Shattered Soul (A Poem by Amanda Best)

At the time I wrote this poem, I was in a very dark place in my life. I wasn't happy and I felt alone. I hated myself and there were times when the darkness around me felt as if it was on the verge of consuming what little flickers of light I still had within me. I prayed for relief and for someone who could understand, but it would be several more years before I would receive an answer to my prayers. During the last two years I have changed from a person full of self-loathing, cynicism, self-hatred, and on the verge of self-destruction to a person who is learning to accept myself the way I am, while still trying to become something better and at the same time understanding I'm not always going to succeed the first time around. Anyways, I know there is hope simply because if I didn't have hope, I wouldn't have been able to be in a place where I would be ready to receive an answer to my prayers.

As Always,
Enjoy!

Amanda

A Shattered, Tortured Soul

I am the one who is lost and waiting to be found,

I am a shattered, tortured soul.

I am the one who has been ripped apart and torn to shreds,

I am a shattered, tortured soul.

I am the one who is hanging onto life by a thread,

I am a shattered, tortured soul.

I am the one who is desperately wanting to let go,

I am a shattered, tortured soul.

I am the one who has been despised by others,

I am a shattered, tortured soul.

I am the one who is haunted by the memories of the past,

I am a shattered, tortured soul.

I am the one who clings to the promise of a better future,

I am a shattered, tortured soul.

I am the one who sings about the sorrows no one should ever know,

I am a shattered, tortured soul.

I am the one who longs to hear the songs of joy,

I am a shattered, tortured soul.

I am the one who longs to forget the nightmares of my sleep,

I am a shattered, tortured soul.

I am the one who is consumed by the screams of hatred,

I am a shattered, tortured soul.

I am the one who is gasping for air in a world falling apart,

I am a shattered, tortured soul.

I am the one who sees no end to my pain,

I am a shattered, tortured soul.

I am the one who longs to feel of love,

I am a shattered, tortured soul.

I am the one who lives in my own personal hell,

I am a shattered, tortured soul.

Plans to Edit My "Repentance Process" Post

Dear Faithful Readers,

I recently posted a piece of written work on the Repentance Process. After having read through it several times in the last few days, I have decided to edit the piece of written work to include another two steps. My reasoning behind this is because so called "small sins" can lead something to a person committing "bigger sins". In my mind, no sin is a "small sin" simply for the very reason that calling any kind of sin "small" or insignificant is in fact rationalizing or justifying the sin which was committed. This in turn can lead to other sins, more serious sins with more eternal ramifications to being committed. By adding two more steps to the Repentance Process, it will contain twelve steps. I am not trying to be disrespectful to those who have been addicted to drugs or alcohol or any other form of addictive substances or behaviors, but simply trying to show that sin is an addiction. From the Fall of Adam, we are all in a fallen state. It is important to understand just how addictive sin really is. The production, sale, and use of legal drugs is against the law. When a person produces, sells, or uses legal drugs, they are breaking the law. Driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs is against the law, so when a person does such things, they are breaking the law. Still if we go back to the time when God gave Moses the Ten Commandments, we find that all of us at some point are guilty of breaking one of the laws of God. The law we may have broken may not be murder, but we may be guilty of coveting the things another person owns or being disrespectful towards our parents. Then when Christ came, He stated that it was written "thou shalt not commit adultery." Then He gave an even higher law, when in Matthew 5:27-28 he stated,
27 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:

28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

The laws of God are the highest laws of the land, regardless of the laws made by those who hold office and have the power to create or abolish laws. If we look at the laws of God as a way to protect ourselves from committing sin, we can allow ourselves to be better protected from the fiery darts of the Adversary. When we start to rationalize or justify our reasons for committing sin, even if it is to tell a little white lie, we are opening ourselves up to be more easily tempted and persuaded to committing other sins. Men, when a woman asks the question, "does this dress (or article of clothing) make me look fat," it is best to be honest and tell her the truth. Women, if you're going to ask a man the question, "does this dress (or other article of clothing) make me look fat," you cannot be angry with him when he tells you the truth. Honesty is important, but if a person fears being honest will have negative consequences, they have reason to tell a little white lie. But how much more hurt will we be when we find out that we were told a little white lie...Infinitely more hurt than it we were told the truth in the beginning. We need to be honest in our dealings with our fellow men and women. So because we are all in a fallen state, because none of us is perfect, and because we are bound to make mistakes or commit sin, I feel it is necessary to edit my previous post on the Repentance Process to include two more steps. Life is not going to be easy, but we can do things to make it easier. Understanding this is a key factor in turning away from sin.

Until Next Time,

Amanda