Sensory Overload (A Poem by Amanda Best)

Sensory Overload is when a person experiences the over-stimulation of one or more of the body's five different senses because of their environment. For me personally, my sense of smell and taste are interconnected at times, which can lead to problems when I am eating food. To give you an example of this, there is a Jelly Belly Jelly Bean called "Buttered Popcorn" which for most people would taste like popcorn with butter on it. However, when I eat one of these jelly beans, I don't experience the flavor of buttered popcorn. Instead I taste what buttered popcorn smells like. I'm fairly positive that most people know what Cranberry Juice tastes like. It tastes like Cranberries. I'm also fairly positive that most people know what wet dirt smells like. For me though, there is a type of Cranberry Juice that I came in contact with during my senior year of high school that didn't taste in the least bit like Cranberries. It tasted like the smell of wet dirt. I have never come in contact with that type of Cranberry Juice since my senior year of high school, but there have been other things that have tasted like the smell of wet dirt in my life. During Christmas time when my mom boils a pot of water with cinnamon sticks in it, I taste the smell of the cinnamon in the air. When I open a bottle of mint extract, I will taste the smell of the mint before the bottle is fully open. This happens with vanilla extract too, which is not the most appealing thing. I can taste the smell water running from a garden hose and feel it's coolness on my tongue long before I see or hear the water running. Ever since I was a little girl, I have been able to tell when it going to rain, even when the sky it completely clear. This is because when there is a great deal of moisture in the air, I can both taste and smell the moisture in the air. I can also feel the coolness of it on my tongue. After I broke my ankle in October 2010, which required surgery to fix it, I would experience all of the same things right before it would rain, but I have the added bonus of getting to experience many different levels of pain before it rains depending on how bad it is going to rain (which is not really an added bonus at all unless you consider that I know when to dress warmly without having to watch the weather part of the news). These are just a few examples of how I can experience an overloading of my senses. When I finally realized that I was experiencing an overloading of my senses, I decided to write this poem as a way of expressing that realization. Although this poem was written long before I broke my ankle, when I found out that it was going to require surgery, I knew that my senses were going to overloaded at least once every winter for the rest of my life.

ENJOY!

As Always,
Amanda

Sensory Overload
--by Amanda Best
I am constantly in a state of sensory overload.
Smelling the crisp, cold taste of water,
Tasting the bright, joyous sights of Christmas,
Seeing the sweet, musical sound of vocal expression,
Hearing the slow, deliberate touch of envy,
Touching the light, delicate scent of roses.
Yes, I am constantly in a state of sensory overload.

Loneliness (A Poem by Amanda Best)

This last fall I experienced betrayal of the trust I placed in another person, when I was manipulated and lied to by this person. This betrayal of trust caused me to experience many of the emotions and "events" that are spoken of in this poem. The fear spoken of was a result of the betrayal of trust that I placed in this person. The inability to accept the love offered to me by another person refers to my need to protect myself from being hurt again, despite knowing that this second person would never do something like what the first person did. The silence resulted from not knowing who I could trust, from not receiving the support that I needed from the people that I needed it most from, as well as being told that a great deal of what this first person did to me was my fault because I trusted him in the first place. The image and movie spoken of are that of seeing and speaking to the first person only days before he would betray me. The memory spoken of is actually more than one memory. It is of the memories that were accumulated over a four month period of time when despite all my efforts to build a wall between the first person and myself when I first met him. He was charming and he used that charm against me. He was able to deceive me with his lies to the point that I let my guard down so greatly that when I found out the truth, it nearly destroyed me. The scars are a reference to his flippant disregard for certain aspects of life that are serious, regardless of the person who experiences them. The scars were from his deceit and his disregard for the pain he knew he caused me. The dying heart refers to the part of me that died when I realized how misplaced my trust in the first person was. The child spoken of is a flashback to who I was before I met the person who nearly destroyed me. Naïve, blind, and stupid. The child is also part of the memories that were accumulated over last summer before this person betrayed me. I have since realized that although his motives were borderline sadistic in nature, I could use his motives as a way to become a better writer.

As Always,
Amanda

ENJOY!

Loneliness
--Amanda Best
There is a loneliness deep in my soul,
And it robs me of the ability,
To trust to those that love me.
There is a hatred rooted in my loneliness,
And it robs me of the ability,
To forgive you of the hurt caused me.
There is a sadness dwelling in my hatred,
And it robs me of the ability,
To believe you once cared about me.
There is a rage lurking in my sadness,
And it robs me of the ability,
To help the lives of those who need me.
There is a fear swimming in my rage,
And it robs me of the ability,
To accept the love another offers me.
There is a silence thriving in my fear,
And it robs me of the ability,
To hear you apologize to me.
There is a blindness living in my silence,
And it robs me of the ability,
To see the peace that will heal me.
There is an image burning in my blindness,
And it robs me of the ability,
To look past the pain you caused me.
There is a memory surfacing from that burning image,
And it robs me of the ability,
To forget the lies you told me.
There is a movie playing in my memory,
And it robs me of the ability,
To prevent your betrayal from scarring me.
There is a dying heart beating in that movie,
And it robs me of the ability,
To live the life meant for me.
There is a child fading in my dying heart,
And she is longing to break free,
To be understood and accepted.

Bullying Others Needs to End NOW!

The following is my essay that I just submitted today in my online English class. Despite the fact that I haven't gotten a grade yet, this is something that needed to be posted immediately since bullying is becoming an ever growing problem. I'm not a psychologist. I'm not a parent. I'm not a school counselor. But I am a Sunday School teacher for girls that are 10 and 11 years old at church, and I am a survivor of bullying But this isn't about me. This is about those who have seen suicide as the only way to end the constant bullying at school or wherever it is that they experience it. This is for them. This is for:

Kelly Yeomans, 13 years old, September 1997, Allenton, England

Dawn-Marie Wesley, 14 years old, November 2000, Mission, British Columbia

Nicola Ann Raphael, 15 years old, June 2001, Glasgow, Scotland

Ryan Halligan, 13 years old, October 2003, Essex Junction, Vermont

Megan Meier, 13 years old, October 2006, Darenne Prairie, Missouri

Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, 11 years old, April 2009, Springfield, Massachusetts

Jaheem Herrara, 11 years old, April 2009, DeKalb County, Georgia

Phoebe Prince, 15 years old, January 2010, South Hadley, Massachusetts

Billy Lucas, 15 years old, September 2010, Greensburg, Indiana

Seth Walsh, 13 years old, September 2010, Tehachapi, California

Tyler Clementi, 18 years old, September 2010, New York City, New York

Brandon Bitner, 14 years old, November 2010, Mount Pleasant, Pennsylvania

Jamey Rodemeyer, 14 years old, September 2011, Buffalo, New York

Jamie Hubley, 15 years old, October 2011, Ottawa, Ontario

Jarrod Nickell, 18 years old, January 2012, Flushing, Michigan

Eden Wormer, 14 years old, March 2012, Vancouver, Washington

Kenneth Weishuhn, 14 years old, April 2012, Paullina, Iowa

Ciara Pugsley, 15 years old, September 2012, Carrick-on-Shannon, Ireland

Matthew Montagna, 16 years old, September 2012, Jenkins Township, Texas

Amanda Todd, 15 years old, October 2012, Port Coquitlam, British Columbia

Felicia Garcia, 15 years old, October 2012, Staten Island, New York

Erin Gallagher, 13 years old, October 2012, Ballybofey, Ireland

Josh Pacheco, 17 years old, November 2012, Fenton, Michigan

David Phan, 14 years old, November 2012, Taylorsville, Utah

Jessica Laney, 16 years old, December 2012, Pasco County, Florida

Jadin Bell, 15 years old, January 2013, La Grande, Oregon

Triston Stephens, 15 years old, February 2013, Coweta, Oklahoma

And all the other teens who have seen suicide as the only way to stop the tormenting.

To those who are thinking about committing suicide, DON'T DO IT! Please tell someone. I can't help you, but I can tell you that as a survivor of bullying, it will get better. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or next week, or next month, but IT WILL GET BETTER! Every storm has to run out of rain at some point! Speak out against bullying, stand up for others who are being bullied, and know that there are people in this world that love you and are rooting for you. Please know that I AM ROOTING FOR YOU!

Sincerely,

Amanda Best

Amanda Best

Professor Tara Bowen

English 106 - 13

2 March 2013

Bullying Others Needs to End NOW!

Bullying is not something new, but it is becoming a more severe and growing problem with the increase in teen suicides. Despite the passing of Phoebe’s Law, an anti-bullying law named for Phoebe Prince, its very existence and need for such a law is evidence that more is required if we are to stop the growing problem of bullying. As more and more teens see that the only escape from the taunting and tormenting of their peers is through suicide, parents, teachers, and mentors need to be more vigilant of behavioral changes in the children that they are responsible for protecting. Unless we do something more to combat this growing epidemic, bullying will continue to remain inadequately addressed due to casual or passive conversation.

            The overall problem is not just bullying. The mindsets that “boys will be boys,” “it’s just a phase,” or the need for the victim to “tough it out” have all led to a lack of understanding. The threat of physical harm to oneself or a family member from a bully can deter both victims and bystanders from reporting the bully. Victims might not mention any occurrences of bullying for other reasons as well, including not wanting to appear vulnerable and weak, or nothing changed and no one received a reprimand when they complained the first time. The best way to combat bullying is through a direct assault on two of a bully’s greatest weapons: fear and secrecy. To achieve maximum success, the execution of this direct assault requires precision and accuracy on three different fronts: the home front, the school front, and the front lines.

The first assault needs to occur at home. Parents can achieve great results when they take the time to have a weekly one-on-one conversation with their children. As children begin to see that they can talk openly with their parents, parents will find their children are more willing to discuss their problems when parents keep an open mind and remain objective. Having weekly family outings can also help to bolster a sense of family unity and confidence, thus creating an atmosphere of safety and love within the home. Parents also need to make and keep a list of anything that might seem different about their child’s behavior. No matter how small something might seem, nothing is insignificant. Parents should also strive to attend every parent-teacher conference by arranging in advance to take the day off from work. This way parents can discuss with their child anything addressed during the parent-teacher conference that might raise a “red flag.”

The second assault needs to take place at school. Just as parents need to keep a list of any behavioral changes at home, teachers, school administrators, and counselors need to pay close attention to any behavioral changes that occur while at school. Teachers should encourage parents to attend every parent-teacher conferences, regardless of the students’ grades. Brandon Bitner was a straight-A student, but he committed suicide in November 2010. Grades are not always indicative of the presence of bullying and as such have a limited use as an indicator of bullying. School administrators and counselors need to report any incidents of bullying to both teachers and parents and make a record of each incident. Schools should also have a box in the office where students can anonymously report incidents of bullying. Teachers, school administrators, and counselors should all strive to help students feel that they are safe to discuss bullying and other problems with them.

The last and final assault is the one fought on the front lines. Children who are able to openly discuss their problems with not only their parents and teachers, but also with school administrators and counselors, will feel more willing to openly discuss the problem of bullying. Despite all the possible ways to confront and combat bullying, perhaps the most successful ways to prevent bullying might come from children. Children see more than we realize and therefore have a head start on thinking and creating ways to put a stop to this growing problem. Parents cannot stand by their child’s side every waking moment, ready to quash even the slightest dirty look from another person. However, parents can instill confidence in their children that speaking out against bullying may not always be easy, but it is always right thing to do.

When a child feels safe enough that they can openly talk to the adults in their lives about their problems, they are able to destroy one of the greatest weapons of a bully. They are able to destroy the weapon of fear. When a child can openly talk to adults about the problems others are facing, they are again destroying that fear. When a child’s problems and the problems of others come to the attention of the adults in their lives, it results in the destruction of the second greatest weapon a bully possesses. It results in the destruction of the weapon of secrecy. When one child confidently speaks out against bullying, it will act as the catalyst for which countless others will eventually follow. Still others will only follow if we as parents, teachers, school administrators, and counselors can provide the atmosphere of safety for them to have the confidence to speak out.